Funny Amazon Reviews PART III

By
09rupeshraj4@gmail.com
-
45
3


What has become clear is that we must all purchase calculator watches.

BECOME A LEGEND (with ease) by joining my Legendary Legends Newsletter:

Simon’s Social Media:
Twitter:
Instagram:

Simon’s Other Channels:
TodayIFoundOut:
TopTenz:
Biographics:
Visual Politik:
Highlight History:
Geographics:

source

45 Comments

  1. Welcome to today's Meme Accounting…

    Amazon Reviews Part 3 published at 3am my time. On a Sunday morning. Bloody hell Simon, some of us need our beauty sleep. Come on now…. just three more hours latter and we'll all get a 'morning treat' or… are you a vampire who only does this at night… is THAT the secret of the basement?

    Welcome to scandisk… F*ing skip quickly: 2

    Lazy one: 1 (good – the team can actually pack more into a shorter video)

    ETA Space heater gets a mention: 1

    Simon picks hos ear and then wipes the goop on his blazer: 1

    Red Solo Cups: 13

    Sponge Bobs square pants: 1

    Script taps: 5

    Script Slaps: 2

    Boi with the Blaze: 1

    I get a mention: 4

    Simon has trouble talking: 15

    Chill Dude: 1

    Smash that dislike button: 3

    …and depart: 3

    I stand when I Blaze: 1

    Thanks for leaving me alone: 1 (says mister gummy bear)

    Enron mug appearances: 19

    Ryan… Money back: 1

    AHHHH.. Just give me my money: 1

    u gotta sick this first: 1

    Shut the F*uck up Grant: 1

    Danny's life story: 1

    Danny's monster hand: 5

    Danny how do you fit all the stuff in the basement: 1

    Bird and a mouse: 1

    Picachu's Penis shadow: 1

    Does Simon have Trump sized hands?: 1

    #cancelsimon: 3

    Simon's in the middle of that mofo: 1 (you should keep that one quiet Mister Average).

    Oh Fo Sho: 1

    Oh Shit Looseal: 1

    Spiderman with boobs mouse mat: 1

    Use all the glue: 1

    Use a Saturn V rocket to melt that shit down: 1

    Windows 8 is the best: 1 (nahhhh not at all)

    Upgraded to Windows 95: 1

    Go-Go-Go-Go-Go-Go-Go: 1

    OOOOhhhhhhhhhh – moving on: 1

    Raid shadow Legends: 1

    What the F*ck is that?: 1

    Sonic the hedgehog: 1

    God like Amazon Delivery truck: 1

    Clouds in the air: 4

    Why are you screaming again? WHY?: 1

    Simon is god: 1

    Man of mystery: 1

    Simon has trouble with Siri: 0 because Siri admitted it's shite.

    Noise Cancelling headphones block out major crimes: 1

    Crap little steering wheel tray: 1

    Danny can't pass his driving test: 1

    Simon insults all people who can't pass the driving test: 1
    (I passed one in the UK and one in the USA – let me tell you, the British one was WAY harder than the American one).
    F******CK: 1

    OHHH MYYYY: 1

    Easier to ignore all the frightened screams: 1

    I have one of those sun shades for my car: 1

    Don't stick your head out the window: 1

    Hair Covered vomit encrusted armchair: 1

    Simon doesn't clean himself: 1 (Eeuuuwwwwww)

    Bob: 15

    Who's to lazy to clean himself Simon?: 1

    Like 70 different timezones: 1

    A little bit ridiculous: 1 (Only a little?)

    Boobless: 1

    F*ck you science: 2

    Smash that like button: 1

    Street cleaning tractor: 1

    Foaming Business Blaze: 1 (WTF simon, WTF?)…

    Enjoy Cocaine Responsibly: 1

    Today's Meme Counting total: 147

    Simon, don't say to anyone that I got $100 of merch off you or the Tax people will want a T shirt at least!!!!!

    Comestibles… That's a Monty Python reference that went way over Simon's bald head.

    Denon HiFi gear actually had quite the reputation. and was REALLY expensive in the 1990's.

    For those that wonder, a 20 minute video of Simon's took 45 minutes of work to generate this post.

    Now to catch up on my sleep.

  3. Am I literally the only one who liked Windows 8's start menu? I miss being able to change the size of the entire start window depending on connected display, group apps by function in custom nested folders, within which I could arrange the apps by importance, indicated by size of icon.

  11. I'm a bit late posting this I know, but.. I can't pass a driving test because I refuse to pay to do the lessons and take one!
    That's why I've got site licenses to drive plant machinery but no car license, because someone else paid for those.
    If I'm only paid a minimum wage don't expect me to pay someone else's premium wage for training to get a license society just expects me to have.

  13. 19:41 I have a ten dollar watch that I wear at work so I know what time it is. Obviously. A little girl at work saw me look at my watch and excitedly asked me what my heart rate was. I had to tell her that regular watches exist that only tell the time. It’s not even digital or has a timer. It is allegedly waterproof.

  15. Okay but as a working adult working my way through first my bachelors and now my masters, the steering wheel try is goated. It makes working in school work while eating on my lunch break easy and I can do it in the privacy of my car where I have less distractions

  25. I bought a roomba in 2017, I wrecked my back and couldn't vacuum, and with two large shedding dogs, I needed something. Surprisingly good with fur if run often, does not take kindly to being stepped on by a 90lb dog, but it did bounce back once I fixed the bumper. I still use it now, make sure to maintain the brushes and clear the sensors. And make sure all outside doors are closed, or it will escape.

  27. My wife used to be custodian of our church where the have a Shark robot vacuum. One day, she got that message about it being on a cliff. When she checked it, someone had taken it into the men’s bathroom and placed it next to the floor length urinal.

  33. God. I remember when my teachers were telling us that we werent gonna always have calculators in our pockets and i always thought like, well.. honestly if i have a job that requires it, i think id have like 5, but now weve got paraplegic people walking again by connecting their brain and spine with bluetooth. We're going to have fucking calculators installed into our brain microchip in like 10 years…itll have ads but itll be there…

  35. I…i came here from today i found out…my virgin ears werent ready for such profanities and extremely triggering imagery and vernacular. You need to put up trigger warnings for my sensitive, throbbing, pulsing conscious. I can only handle hardcore bdsm, not speaking badly about people with arthritic joints and use of s word…

  37. i did love a good watch when i was young, i had a real rolex i got for 50 cents at someones angry ex wifes garage sale, one that said nasty things and had a little face on the lcd, and one that played the original donkey kong game, among many many others

  41. You gotta do veet hair remover. Here's on to show you they're gold.
    5.0 out of 5 stars
    Veet — the Men's Hair Removal Gel Creme (from hell) . . .
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on 30 July 2012
    After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.

    Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types…oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.

    I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.

    At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

    Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.

    Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.

    I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.

    Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.

    This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.

    The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

    Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering…" Ooooh that feels good "

    Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

    I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status…

    So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect……. :-

  45. I can pass a driving test, I just have no desire to drive. I'm used to walking, and honestly, it's taught me to have more appreciation for some things. I also have leaps and bounds more patience over my driving counterparts.

  51. Speaking about jokes about people who can't drive:
    My high school had year 12 awards, including 'Last person to get their P plates'
    It went to a guy who was unable to drive due to a disability. He was a legend, he had an acceptance speech and everything 😂

  71. For fucks sake Simon,!!!!!

    I was literally half asleep when you screamed at your buddy who won’t quit texting you. My name is also Grant… so I was a bit startled to say the least. Until I realized I left my phone on auto play.

    I have no idea how they would’ve dug themselves out of the hole in my backyard…. but I was worried the voices were back again.

  77. Oi! I own a hyperX headset. I can still hear people at my front door. Bloody pain in the ass if I’m recording tho as the mic is ridiculously sensitive. Thought I’d let you know! Yet another brilliant Amazon blaze. Thnx Si😁

  81. 😂 In Cambodia, everyone in a car or tuktuk have their phones mounted on the dash and watch videos or video chat, while driving or in traffic, I think the Wheel Mate would be great for them lol

Leave A Reply

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here